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Just One Day

When will I be able to escape office drudgery?

Its a question I pose to myself every hour of every day. In weary tones, I roll out my usual self-consolations. I am building a sustainable career. I am singing more now. I am writing and rehearsing a lot. I shouldnt be ashamed of needing to earn money while I do it.

Sometimes this works. Some days I can just accept the inevitability of menial office work because I have such a clear understanding of why Im doing it.

Other days (like today) it does not.

I can feel my resilience ebb away as I am patronised and condescended to. The loss of self-esteem is not irrevocable, I know that, but it is enough to make hot tears of self-loathing bubble up and temporarily blur my ability to visualise a time when life will not be like this.

Yesterday I was wearing a red dress and I was singing. The sun shone as we played and then, in our breaks, lounged on the grass under the azure skies. In my capacity as a singer, as a musician, I felt happy. Natural.

Today, once again, I am sombre in black. I grudgingly do work I hate and feel the thrill of yesterday fade away. I am not natural here. I do not belong. I try to cajole myself out of my stupor by mentally compiling the set list for the gig on Wednesday, then focusing on what I would like to achieve from the rehearsal tomorrow night. Tonight I must finish off some lyrics and record some songs in preparation. I trudge through the repetitive, vacuous work and try think of places to sing, people to contact.

It doesnt help today. I am sucked back to the monotonous, grey world I inhabit against my will and the ache in my stomach returns. The ache grows from whatever passion it is that will not allow me to give up. It is a passion that can also turn sour and angry.

I resent my introspection, knowing it has no value. London is an expensive city, and I do not yet earn enough through music to properly be able to take part in its splendours. I can and do reason it out all the time, both to myself and to others.

Today, though, it doesnt work. I dont want to have to endure the sombre anymore. I hate it, and it hates me.

My energy ebbs, and I wait for my self-esteem to return.

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Joe Saccos Wordless 24 Panel Cartoon of Battle of Sommes First Day

Here is Joe Sacco explaining how he developed a 24 panel cartoon showing the first day of the Battle of Somme.

He published it as a book in 2013. Its stunning in its black and white detail. Sacco notes in the video below how the loss of life struck him. In the first hour of the battle, 10,000 British soldiers were killed.

His 24 panels outline the moment the soldiers went over the top and started to get cut down.

I may order the book and unfold the panels in the hallway outside of class and have the students make observations about each panel.

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Its not Election Day without Sticker Pics!

Well, its over. I voted! Im glad that the political negativity is almost over but I am going to miss this pre-election energy in the air. Overall, this has been a pretty good election season. I hate that so many of the issues directly affect me because worrying about the issues kinda takes the fun out of the process but I guess the issues are what its all about. HeyMatthew and I are headed out to celebrate Election Day with my cousin and his girlfriend! Cant wait to find out who the next POTUS will be!! SQUEAL!!! Here are some of my photos from today. Love.

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The lady that told me she needed to see my drivers license. Tisk, tisk.
In the booth!
Gotta have a sticker pic!
HERE WE GO!!!!

Available link for download