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Just Noodling Around

Just Noodling Around

Firstly, it looks like the Walz limited edition BSNYC "collabo" (I collaborated with myself on it) cap is officially sold out:


I cant believe they sold all two.

Fortunately there are still various other styles to choose from (including the books, which youre welcome to strap to your head), but youll be pleased to know that we plan to bring you more limited edition caps in the not-too-distant future.  Indeed, some of you have expressed a desire for caps in colors other than black, and to that end Ive decided to make the next design a collabo with you, my cherished readers.  Granted, Im not sure how Ill do that exactly, but I imagine Ill open the design up to some sort of public comment period, like the Department of Transportation does before they put in a bike lane.  And Im sure it will play out exactly the same way, in that nobody will bother to show up, the design will eventually come out anyway, and then everyone will berate me for how awful it is and ask why they werent consulted.

In the meantime, please feel free to send suggestions either to the bottom of this post in the form of a comment, or to me directly via the electronic mail.  Also, keep in mind there are certain things Walz simply wont do, including but not limited to:

--Incorporating a plume
--Incorporating a beverage holder
--Incorporating a fan or other cooling technology
--Kippot production (the manufacturing guidelines and Rabbinical approval process are too onerous)

Believe me, Ive asked for all of the above, so I know what Im talking about.

Other than that Im open to anything, because I need to sell lots of caps.  That way I can buy a back-up WorkCycles just in case my current one gets stolen again.

Then, once Ive cornered the hat market (hey, a tricorne hat, now theres an idea), Ill probably branch out into limited edition BSNYC pool noodles, since theyre poised to become the hot new cycling safety accessory:


Which is ironic, because Mario Cipollini says nobody is safe from his pool noodle:


When Cipo unzips his pants the theme from "Jaws" plays.

As for our enterprising Torontonian, hes found that ever since he started cycling with a foam feeler protruding from his rack drivers have given him more room out there on the road:

“People get really insulated inside a vehicle,” Huska said. “They don’t really know where the edges of their vehicle are.”

This is true, though in fairness to them they generally dont know where the edges of their own bodies are either.

Its called the Tim Hortons Effect.

But, for the past year, drivers have given Huska a wider berth.

Now, when he mounts his trusty two-wheeled steed, Huska is protected by a pool noodle.


The key, apparently, is that the pool noodle is both laterally floppy and vertically floppy:

Strapped to his bike’s frame with bungee cords, the floppy foam cylinder is a reminder to drivers not to get too close.

Though if youre considering implementing this technique in the UK, Australia, or any other country where they drive on the "other" side of the road, keep in mind theyre directional so youll need a right-hand drive-specific pool noodle:


As opposed to the left-hand drive models we use here in North America:


Using the wrong pool noodle can result in death, or at the very least in tapping pedestrians on the buttocks with a foamy "FWAP!" and getting punched in the face.

Of course, New Yorkers are no strangers to using pool noodles in traffic, but the difference is we put them on our cars:



Im old enough to remember when bumpers once offered protection to the car, but then they gradually evolved into something that requires protection, because if you return a leased car with scuffed bumpers the bank will bend you over and perform a rectal cash-ectomy.

Gotta love the auto-industrial complex.

In any case the result is people in New York City drive around with all manner of ridiculous contraptions attached to their bumpers to protect their cars while theyre stored on the public roadways for free.  Sadly this defensive mindset doesnt extend to actual driving, but fortunately the media and the police extend them every courtesy after they run somebody down because they can relate to the mental anguish a driver experiences when they sustain cosmetic damage to their cars.

Lastly, the LVMH Group is apparently poised to buy Pinarello, arguably the Fredliest of bike brands:


LVMH Group is best known for its high-end brands Louis Vuitton fashion and handbags, Moet & Chandon champagnes, along with a wide range of luxury brands in the clothing, cosmetics, fashion accessories, jewellery, perfumes, spirits, watches and wines arena. However, according to the report, LVMH Group is interested in expanding into the sports, wellness and leisure markets with cyclings prominent brand Pinarello as its primary purchase objective.

I commend them on their choice, as Pinarello will make a fine addition to their exquisite portfolio of Eurodouchery.  After this the next acquisition is going to be either Assos or Rapha, and by this time next year you can expect them to offer an $8,000 leather Louis Vuitton pool noodle.

You heard it here first.

Available link for download